Spray me down, Scotty!

28 Jan

In preparation for my upcoming tropical getaway, I have been working out like a maniac, cutting back on the booze intake, and making an effort to eat when I am hungry and not every 15 minutes like I would like to. All this has gotten me to thinking about the irony of what we do in preparation for vacations. Working out and trying to lose weigh are two obvious things, since you will probably be sporting a bathing suit at some point. In my case, I am whiter than an albino at a 50 cent concert, and therefore also need to consider my tanning options.

I could always just go as is,  but then I would look like a ghost and scare all the dark people of Jamaica. Another option is to self tan. Now I have used just about every brand/type there is. They do actually work pretty well, but blotchiness is risky and application involves a lot of upkeep- not to mention is about impossible to allow to dry when you are on vacation where it is well over 90 degrees and humid. There is always fake baking, but since I am a natural redhead and DO NOT TAN (I know this because I have spent a decent amount of time and money in tanning beds trying anyway) this is a colossal fail. Which leaves me with stripping down and letting a stranger spray freezing cold bronzing dye all over my body. With the exception of getting naked in front of someone who only knows my name because I booked an appointment, this is totally my favorite way to be as tan as I wish I could actually get. Only downfall for this one is that you leave the salon looking like Snooki and have to leave it on for like 12 hours or something ridiculous before you can shower and look like a normal tan person. This process means that you need to either request a day off work before your vacation, or book your flight around your pre-tanning rituals. Not great.

In conclusion, I think it’s really funny how everyone (everyone, right? I can’t be the only crazy person out there) tries to loose weight, look tan, buy new clothes…for what? Your friends and family that you go with who already know what you really look like? Or are you trying to impress the natives of your island of the day? Maybe they will kidnap you and keep you in the hotel as the token American worker. Totally my goal.

In post-conclusion….my overall vacation goal is to be drunk the majority of the time…we’ll all soon forget what we look like anyway. Cheers!

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